November 17, 2012

A Dumpy Lump of Old Man Shit

Striving for something here.

Uh, no, don't get any ideas. The only way I could get close to Cary Grantness is after major plastic surgery, skin grafts, mouth job, hair realignment and yet another round of general reconstruction. And I still would have a ton of work left on the personality aspect of it all. But that's not the point.

The point is let's be a cool old man.

Next year I hit 60. To be perfectly honest the number doesn't bother me. Not at all. It's not the number. What bothers me is the way I've let myself get out of hand. I'm about 20+ pounds overweight. My stomach, not to mention manboobs,  all arrive in the room before I can even hear anybody talking. The worst part of the day is coming out of the shower and being embarrassed by what that looks like - even though I'm desperately trying to avoid looking in the mirror. But, you know, it's sort of like the macabre need to look into the car they're using the Jaws of Life on when you're driving by an accident. You can't help it.

And it isn't a matter of confidence or helping my confidence. Not the body issue / lack of self esteem thing at all. If anything I have too much confidence for the package. But that's been my story all my life. I'll say something pretty self-assured and people turn around, take a look, and go "that come outta him?" Been that way all my life. Too much so, at times. That's not the issue.

I'd like to look good in a suit. I prefer vested ones, just love 'em, but when you have a gut - that looks pretty stupid. It looks like some dumpy middle class guy trying to look rich. And it just comes out silly. But trim down and put on a nice suit like that - you're doing fine.

In general what I'm thinking of is that my whole adult life has been about trying (sometimes desperately) to not be a stereotype of what a middle-aged Middle-American, often looks like. Gut. Beer in hand. Has to sit down after a while. Teases the grandchildren mercilessly. Has the politics of a troglodyte and the IQ of a rock - and believes that to be a virtue. But the important thing is that this isn't trying to be something I'm not - because I know my limitations. It's trying to NOT be something I dislike. And I believe that's an important distinction, often glossed over by some folks who just knee jerk when I say stuff like that.

What I'm saying is that there's still a lot of work to do. Working on all the other stuff is a matter of an ongoing effort. But the physical appearance - partially superficial but also very much largely a real concern of one's health and well-being - is something I can attack vigorously and realistically. If I can't get the personality part down and be a cool jerk, I can still lose some weight and watch my habits so I can be a healthy and physically fit jerk.

So on November 1 I started at 197 pounds. By the rates and measures and all that crap for my height I should be anywhere from 152-169 depending on who you're reading. I think if I can hit 166 that would be great. If I go any lower I'd want to do a little weight training because, I'm sorry, 155 is just insane. I don't know why 166 sticks out in my mind but it seems like a cool number. And that would be 31 pounds. Which would be very cool.

It's November 17. I'm doing the Weight Watchers online for men thing. My last weigh-in - which was Monday the 12th - I was 188. I worked overtime last night and passed on the company-provided pizza because i want to "make weight" on the 19th.

I do recognize that in this world - with mass populations in need of food, shelter and medical care - what I'm doing and wasting time writing about can be seen as pure vanity. In a way it's very true. But what can I do? If I die of a heart-attack at 61 like my Dad what good can I do anymore anyway?

And I do have a thing about being just about the age of my Father when he died. Yes. I do have a thing about that.

So I'll keep you posted. I did this once before and lost a bunch of weight to get down to 195, where I last stopped. But that's it. I want to be a cool old man. And you can't do that when you look like a dumpy lump of old man shit.

6 comments:

Gino said...

arent you like 5'11"? if so, 190ish aint that bad.

at 5'8", i'm fighting 20 lbs to get back to 170ish again. its hard.

maybe i'll look into that WW olin thing....

RW said...

I'm 5' 10" in the morning - no really! But 5' 9" most of the day.

Weight Watchers works. You don't have to give up anything you like. I still put mayo on my sandwiches, still drink beer, still go out to eat once a week. You just ingest less of it. And it's really not a big deal. All about portion control.

B.E. Earl said...

Gia and I are in dieting. Well, we hope it becomes a life-long thing. Similar to WW. Portion control, watching what we eat, all fresh ingredients. And we still go out once a week or so. And I've been finding some great new healthy recipes. Had seared chicken with an apricot sauce on Friday night. It was awesome.

So good luck!

RW said...

Salsa. It's the universal answer. Marinate chicken in it. Use it to garnish everything. It's zero points. I could drink the stuff.

But WW has always worked for me. I hate having that "hungry" feeling (a misnomer because that feeling isn't REAL hunger and I know it), and when I can keep having all my favorite stuff - in whatever quantity - I don't feel like it's a big hassle.

Brian said...

My capacity to pack on weight by slacking off the least little bit astonishes me. One week of skipping my routine at the gym plus 4 days of eating out with friends visiting from out of town = 5 lbs gained, just like that.

It's like my metabolism is on a tripwire, and desperately wants me to weigh 210 instead of the 200 I work mightily to maintain.

sybil law said...

First; you are already a cool old man. I mean, you're not that old, but you're older than me and you started it so be quiet. Anyway, you're totally cool to me. Really. Then again, I'm 41 and my kid thinks I am a dork about half the time.
Second; I get what you're saying about the suit, and you're right. Lean looks better in a suit.
Third; I forgot how dreamy Cary Grant was...