October 07, 2012

With The GOP You Get Eggroll

See, here's the problem.

Let's say you have a concern about the government always spending more than it takes in. You know that you have to balance your budget at home and if you don't you wind up paying down debt for years and years after you buy that couch. You know what it's like to buy a couch for thirteen years and only own it for ten. And you figure, Jeez, it is really a problem because sooner or later someone's going to have to pay for all this and it might even be my kids. Or their kids even. And it isn't what you'd want to hand down as a legacy.

All in all a very legitimate concern. And it really is the main thing that worries you. Bugs you, in fact. They ought to do something about it. So there's an election coming up and you figure - "hey, I'll find candidates that support this concern of mine, and I'll vote for them and hope they can do something about it." So you go do some research and after looking for who in the world most closely matches your issue you discover that this very thing is the primary stated concern of the Republican Party in America.

"Swell," you say. "I'm going to try and vote for Republicans where it will do the most good for my concern and my country." And election day comes around and you happily punch or poke or do whatever it is you have to do in the little slots to cast your votes. In your personal universe it is mostly a Republican landslide, and you are satisfied that at least you got the chance to express yourself and make an effort to do something about a problem in whatever little way you can. Maybe even the only way you can.

You've done your civic duty, and you go to bed happy. No matter the results, it was the best you could do.

Then you wake up the next morning and find that a lot of Republicans were elected, and you say "finally, we'll restore a little sanity to the government and be responsible for a change."

And, in truth, there are Republicans who do what they can do to enact that very idea for you.

But then these other things start creeping in.

You hear a Republican from Georgia say, "All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell. And it's lies to try to keep me and all the folks who are taught that from understanding that they need a savior." He says the Earth is 9,000 years old and that it was made out of nothing in six days. He says the theory of evolution ought not to be discussed in the class room. That it is the devil's seed and it is ruining the minds of young people. Turning them away from the Truth.

You may even remember reading somewhere that the teaching of evolution is banned outright in Saudi Arabia and Sudan, mostly on the influence of conservative Muslim scholars, and now this guy wouldn't mind if it were banned in the USA too. To make matters worse, you discover that he's already a sitting member on  House Committee on Science, Space and Technology. In Congress. In DC. This while you read once that American students are falling behind their peers in the rest of the world in science and math.

Then you read about this other Republican in Arkansas who thinks that slavery was a "blessing in disguise" for blacks. And another Republican in Arkansas thinks that all Muslims should be shipped out of the country. And these guys are elected too.

Then you start to understand that the money- a lot of money - for Republicans comes from people who are dead-set convinced that the Obama Administration has concocted a massive, stinking, lying conspiracy to take away people's guns once everybody has been put to sleep about the issue. They have proof, they say, that there is a vast liberal conspiracy to destroy the Second Amendment.

Blog after blog from people who support the Republicans, even those who say they're not voting or don't care but only put up critiques on Democrats just 'cuz - you know - they're fair and balanced, whine and wail about how there must be a plan out there to control people's minds by under-reporting some things and making mountains out of other things that are molehills - all in the name of influencing the way people view what's going on so they can take over the world for communism or, at least, you know, socialism.

And little by little it dawns on you, maybe, that you got a whole lot more than you bargained for when you voted Republican. Vote for them because you feel fiscal responsibility is important. This was your idea. Then you find out that with the GOP, you get eggroll.

It's like that commercial -

When you worry about the economy you vote Republican. When you vote Republican you tacitly support Creationism. When you tacitly support Creationism you believe humans walked the earth with dinosaurs. When you believe humans walked the Earth with dinosaurs the rest of the world passes you by. When the rest of the world passes you by you become Albania. Don't become Albania. Vote Democratic. 


B.E. Earl said...

To be fair, I thought humans and dinosaurs existed at the same time until I was around 6 or so. I blame Land of the Lost. Hey! Maybe Creationists think that was a documentary.

sligo said...

We have to get you a gig on MSNBC...no, no, on Fox!

Brian said...

(fist in the air)

If the Republicans actually were fiscally responsible, I could probably find a way to hold my nose and vote for them occasionally (and did thru the late 90's). But seeing as how they are actually the most profligate spenders in recent history, that doesn't leave much to recommend them. To put it mildly.

Notable exception: the GOP Senate candidate here in WA is actually running to the "left" of incumbent Dem Maria Cantwell on the drug war, surveillance, and foreign policy. He doesn't talk about social issues. So him, I'm probably going to vote for. (Naturally, he doesn't have a prayer of actually winning.)

RW said...

Earl - The Flintstones were real to me.

sligo - Uh no.

Brian - Yeah, wingnuts have a better chance than he does, no doubt.

Gino said...

nice critique. i like it, even chuckled seeing a bit of myself in there.

RW said...

Well you should. Only fair since I'm in the whole first half of the post.

sybil law said...

Oh, man. Those Albanians have the craziest spies! I know because I saw it on "The Simpson's".