February 11, 2012

Enter Snappy Title Here

This is now open to anybody who wants to read it. But maybe you should have a glass of whiskey before clicking, or smoke a cigarette out in the cold air first. I'm actually about twice as far ahead as you see there but you might find it interesting. I don't know. Some do. Some don't. Looks like few ever got beyond the third chapter. So if it bores you just walk away. No harm, no foul.

See Elmo in the corner?

I need someone to look at me so as to keep me from flying away sometimes, to paraphrase Peachy.

The other night I got an earful from a good old boy I work with about the Obamination in the White House. I'm pretty ready to just give it up and let you all do whatever you like. If you cast a vote you surrender your personal sovereignty. I'm pretty fed up.

MrsRW has turned me into a Nivea guy, can you believe it? Nivea shave cream, Nivea after shave balm. Time was, even unto last month, I shaved most days or, well, some days, and skipped it the rest of the time. I go to work in a print shop and who cares, y'know? But she's got me all being a proper gentleman and - after a certain age - you realize that the sharp, cooling, gel smells are for the younger guys. Old guys just want to smell clean from all that stuff. So I am now a careful shaver and a Crew forming cream guy. I may look like an old drunk by the lines on my face but I smell good all the time now. So there it is.

Oh wait I forgot to put on my hand cream. BRB, goop.

Okay... I'm back. When you work in a print shop you wrangle big stacks of paper and it's often very dry and the air sometimes gets charged with static electricity from time to time. So your hands get dry and cut up. Paper cuts. And it really doesn't matter how long you work in a print shop, you will get paper cuts. All there is to it. The only thing that happens is you don't squirm and squeam when you get one anymore. Just wrap a bandage around it and go back to work. But on the weekends it is a good thing to smooth up because otherwise you'll have crab hands and your cuts will pinch when you do normal stuff like pick up a sammich to eat.

Did I mention Elmo up in the corner there?

I signed on to this thing at Imagine Sports. You draft a baseball team from 4000 players and then you go up against other guys and the whole thing is on a computerized match-up with some measure of random rhythms and shit. You play 162 games and set your lineup and pick your ball park and all. I named my team the Iola Gasbags. I ended up with some guys I really wanted like Shoeless Joe Jackson, Schoolboy Rowe, Vinegar Bend Mizell, Stuffy McInnis, Spud Davis, Rube Waddell and Boom Boom Beck and Boileryard Clarke. Yes we're the all-name team and we play in the old Baker Bowl. I guess where you play matters in the computerized results thing. So that's fun. Somebody sent me a gift certificate for it so I'm playing for free. I don't know what it costs regularly.

Okay so I'm babbling again. Anyway tell your friends about this place. I need some company.

6 comments:

sybil law said...

I LOVE dick.

I'm also 100% sure I've said that before, but in the case we're discussing here, I really, really do love it.

I thought I subscribed to the new digs, but apparently not, so I've missed all the new stuff.

I like Elvin.

RW said...

She said she loves dick. What can I say?

B.E. Earl said...

Sybil Law ftw!

And I have been reading, but I've been waiting to critique. Every new chapter, I go back and start from the beginning. Then I get tired and I lay down. It's a process.

Not that your writing is making me sleepy. Not at all. It's all this bourbon that I'm constantly drinking.

Where's Charlize? Hi.

Gino said...

"When you work in a print shop you wrangle big stacks of paper and it's often very dry and the air sometimes gets charged with static electricity from time to time. So your hands get dry and cut up. Paper cuts. And it really doesn't matter how long you work in a print shop, you will get paper cuts. All there is to it. The only thing that happens is you don't squirm and squeam when you get one anymore. Just wrap a bandage around it and go back to work."

tell me about it. been working with paper for near on 20yrs now.
i've had cuts that would blow your mind.

paper traveling at 950ftm can be devestating if yer not careful.

Kel said...

I'm glad you're enjoying that baseball game thing. We were wondering what you thought about it.

Brian said...

It's taken me forever to find a quiet moment to read Dick, but I finally did last night. Good stuff.