November 11, 2010

What would you do if...

1. The couple right upstairs was always very loud and unrestrained in their frequent lovemaking sessions.

2. You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection. Plus the killing jar.

3. You were the only one on your block who never had a fingerbox.

4. You got a windfall of $100,000.

5. The police had a warrant and confiscated your computer.

6. At a bar, a person of the same sex you swear you never met before knows everything about you.

7. On your way to the art gallery you see yourself walking the other way with a wrapped painting under your arm.

8. You had it wrong all along.

9. The search engine tells you exactly the best brand name product to use for that problem but when you search for the brand name product no search engine you use can find it.

10. Kenneth actually told you the frequency.

18 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

I'm liking these posts.

The answer in every case, of course, is 42.

RW said...

See in my case for #1 I'd stand outside their door and suggest the Chiffonade Pyramid position.

But that's just me.

B.E. Earl said...

That would only work if they were incorporating leafy green vegetables into their lovemaking sessions.

Which isn't THAT unusual. Given the proper dressing, of course.

RW said...

Well, leafy green vegetables do act as a muffler.

Dave2 said...

1) Ask them if I could film them so I have video to go with their audio soundtrack.

2) Insist that I am, in fact, human and not a replicant.

3) Celebrate my non-conformity.

4) Spend it on something entirely frivolous. Like diamond-studded bell-bottom trousers.

5) Write a blog entry about the violation of my rights.

6) Report him to the authorities for stalking.

7) Hope that the painting is something I'll like hanging in my living room.

8) Redefine "wrong" as "right" and keep doing what I've been doing all along.

9) Invent it.

10) Attack Dan Rather then take a flamethrower to a pile of R.E.M. CDs.

RW said...

Actually #9 is real. It's Gillespie's Copper and Brass Cleaner. It's recommended but doesn't actually exist I don't think.

sybil law said...

1. Ask them later if it was good - and what position they like best, and a bunch of other annoying questions.
2. Are you insinuating that's not normal?
3. Trick someone into giving me theirs.
4. Throw a great party, for sure.
5. Relax.
6. It's happened, actually.
7. Take a picture.
8. What else is new?
9. Go postal.
10. Write a song.

RW said...

Yep 6 actually happened to me too. I gave him a ride home because somehow he got to the bar without any transportation and then I bolted. Fast.

flask said...

are we supposed to answer these?

'cos just reading them makes my head hurt...

RW said...

Participation optional!

Gino said...

will opting out get me groped?

RW said...

No.

Avitable said...

Wait, all at the same time?

RW said...

Foe what?

Brian said...

1. I'm really sorry about that. We'll try to keep it down.

2. Dilate pupils. Quick intake of breath. Flush face. Try to act natural.

3. I think I must have been...

4. Quit job. The rest is details.

5. Relish the thought of them spending days looking through thousands of flow cytometry files trying to find something.

6. Honestly, this would freak me out, regardless of the sex. I don't like people knowing more about me than I do about them.

7. Check the price tag.

8. As far as I know, I could.

9. Move on to hit #2.

10. Write it down.

RW said...

it did?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

ummm hmmm...
as for #7 I see this all the time at the mall.

You know ABC News is doing a show with the same title with John Quinones....I love all that uncomfortable shit.

Great photo

RW said...

I hope the situations are good on that show. If they get too predictable it'll be a wash out.