November 06, 2011

Late One Night

Been working long hours. Fifty hours a week. Sometimes more. There's more to come too. From now until the end of the year. I suppose I should be grateful. Time and a half is the workingman's bonus. There won't be any others. Since I work overnight sometimes my mind has a tendency to wander. This is not always a good thing. I hate when I remember things that are embarrassing in some way, out of the blue, and I have to go through feeling stupid all over again, but there I go.

Tuesday is the day I go to my old high school to do seven minutes in front of an assembly being put on to honor Rocco. It would be easier if I didn't have a history of the terrors before I have to go in front of people. But I better get this handled. The only way out is through. I know what I got is humorous enough, but I have to deliver it right. It's the complexity of nailing it that gets me nervous. I know what I wrote, and if it's done well it'll be a great addition to the proceedings. That's the hard part... doing it well.

I used to be pretty good in front of people. I have no confidence now, topped by a poor self-image. It's going to be a struggle, but a major win if I can pull it off. Who knows.

It's the night we push the clocks back an hour and I don't know why we do that. I never knew why we do that. I'm glad to get the extra hour to play with since I'm working Monday and worked this last Friday and am clocking so many damn hours. Tuesday's going to be crazy because I'll be on the clock Monday overnight, then have to show up at the high school Tuesday afternoon, and then go in to work after that - overnight. So I'm either going to be a complete mess or so whacked that everything will go just fine but I won't be able to remember it. I'm getting kind of old here.

To make matters worse my wife will be out of town next week. Not that she can always get available to be a support system for me, but it means I'll be walking into the Tuesday thing alone. Either a Christian before the lions or some other, more positive, metaphor i can't think of right now. But I'm repeating myself.

The whole thing is yet another of my "mystery achievements" - stuff I do that my broader family has no idea is going on. Like stuff I've published, Thrice, this little speech thing. Not that they'd care. I'm just the weird cousin/uncle/brother to those folks. So what the hell. Doesn't matter.

At the same time this week my nephew (more specifically my great-nephew) is being shipped off to Afghanistan and I still don't know what the hell we're bothering for. But he's a Marine, and a Recon Marine to boot (meaning - you know - Marines are assault troops and always the first in... and Recon Marines go in ahead of THEM so... yeah). So in the big picture my little nerve problem is pretty insignificant, by comparison. My wife bought him a St. Michael medal (patron saint of the Marines) and we're not even Catholic. Well he is, so there's that.

I remember when he was a baby. Gad...


Gino said...

terrors? i never expected that from you with your acting history.

keep this in mind: all those people out there are familiar in some way. they already kinda accept you.
if you bomb, you really wont.

i'm thinking... if you speak with your writing voice,( i dont know if you do) you should knock them over.

sligo said...

hey, really nice layout.

as to the AT/Rocco thing, skim the book, it'll help, and remember how many people you've influenced when they saw you up there, which includes me.

fuck, i miss you guys.

SK Waller said...

I'm no help with this one. I quit performing decades ago because I developed crippling stage fright out of the blue for no apparent reason.

But I agree with Gino about speaking with your writing voice.

sybil law said...

I think you're gonna kick ass. If not - meh. I mean, really - what big deal is it if you flounder a little? As long as you don't piss yourself, I think you'll be awesome. :)
Best wishes for your nephew. Ugh. He's gonna be fine, too.
Damn, look at me, all positivity over here! :)

RW said...

Yeah no matter how many times I went up on stage I had to fight through it. It's awful. Truly. Your guts start churning and you feel light-headed and your hands are wet and cold. It's stark fear, basically. Always okay the minute I walk out. Never a problem once I did that. Strange all the way around.

Avitable said...

It always surprises me to hear you say that you don't have confidence, because I tend to view you with this glow of infallible judgment and wisdom.