I'm supposed to be dark. I know.
I'm supposed to be focusing my attention on my lifetime's goal, the thing no one can take away from me no matter what else they may change about me, the one thing I do no matter how it comes out, the thing I'll never give up on no matter what anybody says. I know. I should be 100% on point with the fiction and just tune the rest out. But it is impossible. It's impossible to stay silent just now.
It's probably because when I try to talk about things it mostly comes out a garbled mess. I may be a bad writer, God knows, but I'm a worse talker. I can give you my ideas on paper but not so much out of my mouth. I talk and it just blurts out and it's never the right words enough.
I do the stupid thing. I look at the world and try and make sense out of it and no answer seems to fit. It's like a handful of people on every "side" are making the rest of us pay for the fact that they're an asshole. It's like it has become OK to just say anything that comes to mind without any filter or thought. It's like we've invented complex philosophies and worldviews and written volumes of deep and tortured logic and agendas and dogmas that - when all the erudition and important thinking is finished - leave us with a refined ideology that has enshrined the singular notion that it's all about me so go screw yourself.
It's what I think. It's what I want. It's what I believe. It's what I have a right to. It's what I want to do. It's where I want to go. It's what I hate. It's what I am.
I don't know what to think. I am certainly not living in the country I was born in. And I'm as big a part of the problem as anybody. Oh... the problem? The one thing that underlies all the crap we're doing lately? The one reason we seem like such a fractious, spewing, ranting, distracted, ridiculous country (and, hence, the picture of Cary up there)?
We have no class. No class at all.
Your entire life can be dashed on the rocks and ruined if you make one mis-step. A starlet gets into a car and we're taking photos only to see if we can get a picture of her crotch. In a political discussion, nobody gets to finish a sentence, so you've got to quick distill it into four buzz words and throw it at the other guy. Ever hear of Rule 34? There are "talk" shows that resemble the kind of pits where they throw hungry dogs into; they've been on for years; AND they are exceptionally popular. We have television shows based on 6 vapid women who like to point their fingers and move their heads from side to side while their mouths are going a mile a minute, saying nothing. And they become famous. People make videos of their most intimate moments and spread them around. We take our kids to church where we say "turn the other cheek" and then let them onto the schoolyard where we say "don't let that bully push you around." Then we have to feed them drugs to handle the "confusion" they must have been born with because - God Knows - we didn't do anything to them. People look for the one thing other people really really like and then trash it in public, repeatedly. Sometimes we even burn it.
There has always been a thread of that, since recorded history there have always been one version or another of it. But it was in the background. It wasn't as acceptable. It wasn't the featured player. It wasn't "nice."
If we had any "class" we wouldn't go out of our way to embarrass somebody in public. If we had "class" we would act as though everybody had a second chance at things, and we would allow that people can change. If we had "class" we'd be silent instead of saying the one incendiary thing that will ruin the party. If we had "class" we would still be able to say...
"I disagree with what you're saying, but I promise you I will defend your right to say it."
But that is mostly gone. It lives on a bit here and there, but it's in the same part of the toolbox where we'd find the "turn the other cheek" tool. Somewhere under the tongs and hammers.
I'm not living in the country I was born in. And I'm as much to blame as anybody else for agreeing to follow the trend. I need to correct that in myself before I can approach other people with it. That would be the "classy" thing to do, anyway.
Someone want to make the joke about how we're closer to communism because we've constructed a "classless society"? No - I didn't think so. Stupid joke. Okay.
There's just no class anymore. I can't find it anywhere.
THE LINK to the above at YouTube