...the schools were teaching that humans lived alongside dinosaurs, the Theory of Relativity was responsible for moral relativism, the Earth is 6000 years old, the speed of light is wrong, and Black Holes are the epitome of liberal pseudoscience because otherwise the textbooks wouldn't jibe with the Bible.
...corporations could pour as much money into backing political candidates as they wanted because that gave them free speech, and if I wanted my free speech to have as much influence I should just go out and start a damn business myself.
...Miranda Rights and habeas corpus are suspended because if you aren't guilty you have nothing to worry about.
...Social Security, unemployment insurance, Medicare, Medicaid, corporate subsidies, farming subsidies and student aid are capitalism because they've always been with us.
...The Soviet Union still exists and communism is still a threat to freedom which is why we need to put those missiles in Poland after all.
...the Ten Commandments are on display in every public school because this is a Christian country.
...you can't get your unemployment check without a drug test.
...we are spending billions of dollars deporting millions of people back to five continents because they don't have their papers and because there are plenty of good solid citizens lining around the block ready to flatten your topsoil to lay your sod.
...80% of the people you meet at Walmart are armed because that's what the framers intended.
...The 14th Amendment has been changed because we believe in the Constitution not Socialism.
...all clean air standards and emission caps have been removed because Global Warming is a hoax.
...the broadcasting licenses of two hundred and nineteen cable and broadcast corporations have been revoked because of their bias against American values.
...racial profiling is the cornerstone of police procedure because some groups are just predisposed to be criminal.
...all elected officials must swear their oath of office on the Bible and the Bible only.
...immigration is closed to Mexicans, declared Muslims, atheists, Africans, pregnant women, Iranians, and French people because they can never understand our values.
...and Sarah Palin was President of the United States.
please... wake me.... now!!