The Truth

And so the soulless American political season marches on. I'm over it, how 'bout you? Ron Paul, that great libertarian fraud. Newt Gingrich, the crabby professor. Rick Santorum, the guy we need at the head of the GOP ticket so we can expose the true ugly nature of conservatives in this country once and for fucking all. And a President who can't wait to get millions for his memoirs if he can just skate through the next four years.

I'm over Our Fundamental American Principles - whatever the fuck they are. Oh yeah; hard work, big cars, faith, family, Cocoa Puffs, porn sites and football. I forgot. Plus the right to remain silent in a court of law. And the rising ability of the federal government to pry into your shit. Plus big pants down by your ass and the careful study of Intelligent Design in full knowledge that Gawd created America in the image of heaven or some shit like that. Germany as part of the Axis of Evil. France full of accordions. What's the currency of the United Kingdom...? What's the United Kingdom I never heard of that... Palestine? What's the main religion of people from Israel? Easy... Israeli. What are you, a stupid moran?

I once had a person tell me that kangaroos made it on the Ark because the land masses were all one clump back then. You know, the Pangaea thing. Then they went to their Catholic church where the wafer turns into the actual, no-doubt-about-it body of Christ but we have the gluten-free Jesus too, if you ask for it. Just in case.

I had another person tell me once that since they have to take a drug test to work in a damn grocery store then people who get welfare should have to take a drug test before they get their money from the state. Of course the answer is nobody should have to take a drug test for these things but never mind that - we believe in the Constitution. Like the great "libertarian" Ron Paul who says "Our leaders betrayed the middle class which is forced to compete with welfare-receiving illegal immigrants who will work for almost anything..." - summarily trashing any real libertarian ideal about immigration, pandering to the xenophobes, saying that immigrants get welfare and jobs the middle class deserves. We know our audience. Ron Paul the True Believer. More like horseshit on a stick.

I'm pretty convinced most Americans don't have a conscience. That old saying - "the Bible is like a human, you can get it to say anything you want if you torture it enough." And that tortured collection of fables, tricks, puzzles and games-for kids has been tortured to read God Bless America. The first empire that will never collapse. Stupid Rome. Dumb Pharaohs. Idiotic Brits. What the hell did they know? It's all in the socks-and-sandals and K-Y jelly. They didn't have socks-and-sandals and K-Y jelly. Of COURSE all those old empires failed. Did Alexander have the NFL? Did he? Huh? Did he have Harleys? No he did not. End of argument. We got American Idol and we rule the fucking world. Ha ha haaa. (win!)

How many times will you go back to the polls because it's your American duty to all those busted veterans and dead guys strewn over hundreds of foreign fields put there to protect motherhood, Old Glory and the right to create insurance derivatives? How long will it take you to get dressed to come out of your trailer park long enough to go vote for the party of business owners who would just as soon keep your wages the same from now until forever and send your sons to die in places nobody can even point to on the map? And how did you get into that mindset in the first place? Pay me shit, take my sons, and I will vote for your right to use venture capitalism to inflate the incomes of six guys on your board of directors. Forget Mitt Romney's magic underwear, he's a capitalist. That's all you need to know.

We had to bail out Wall Street and the banks, which were run into the ground with trick, unsound derivatives foolishly created by business leaders trained and educated in all the best schools, and that just proves that what we need in the White House is a business leader trained and educated in all the best schools. It's logical. Do the math. Drain a beer can and do the math. Sheh... stupid liberals don't understand anything.

Okay so South Carolina is next. We need to find that one conservative super hero because Mitt Romney is a moderate and you know - those Mormons want to take over the world (they're like a bunch of damn Freemasons). But for some reason we just can't find the Perfect One. Compromise is a dirty word. Reagan never raised taxes. Eisenhower never warned us about the military industrial complex. That's where the jobs come from. What, are you nuts>

I gotta go pray now. Pray anybody who wishes us ill gets smitten by a drone. Piss on 'em. We'll show them the bastards.

God bless fucking America and all the wonderful Americans in it too.